


When John Doesn't Come Back

by projectiondelivery



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, Hatchetfield Universe - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Gen, I call Schaffer Colonel Cordelia Schaffer, M/M, Sad, This Is Sad, also, it mentions funeral, schaffer is a good friend okay, theres a lil bit of fluff there at the middle, this ends hopeful I promisse, to make them soft and then go back to sadness, xander is on autopilot, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:21:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29115168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/projectiondelivery/pseuds/projectiondelivery
Summary: When John doesn't come back from the Black and White, Xander starts doing what he knows better: Research. Consider the options. Lay out a plan.Until something happens to his necklace.
Relationships: Xander Lee/John McNamara
Kudos: 9





	When John Doesn't Come Back

Xander has always hated lack of control. Everything had - or should have - a plausible explanation and logical decision making behind it. He had always been a planner: calculate the possibilities, make a choice, do it.

Which is why he detested the fact that he had arrived at the Archives without consciously deciding it.

He had bursted through the doors and went straight to the B section. The room had grown silent the second he stepped inside. The agents still remaining in the place watched the Lieutenant. It took them less than a minute to stare at each other in agreement and quietly leave the room. The news probably had already reached them. The General had stepped into the Black & White and didn't come back.

Xander knew it was just a matter of time until Schaffer came looking for him. She would probably search into his lab first, and then end up here.

His fingers rummaged through the projects. Xander knew he had to go back more than 13 years worth of data, before that damned portal was built.

His hands rushedly grabbed every folder that mentioned the project, throwing it under his arm to analyze on his own later.

Xander was no stranger to those reports. He had read and studied each and every one of those. Hell, the ones after 2003 were written _by_ him. But maybe he had failed in noticing something, some detail that could help him to bring John back. Maybe the reports were wrong. Perhaps he should ask the director for a special licence to go through the old staff records and reach out to the previous scientists and…

One folder slipped out of his fingers and fell to the floor.

It was like the universe was mocking Xander.

Many papers had fallen out of the folder, and in between the mission descriptions, fell an additional note with a tiny 3x4 picture of a younger John McNamara. The note clarified that the young General had become in charge of the project from that day forward.

Xander couldn’t fight the small smile that surged on his face. John looked so young. All he could see was another picture, one Xander himself took of John when he first got a medal. It was right after the ceremony, they had just gotten home, both tired from the very festive - and social - day. John just wanted to take out the uniform and put on his pajamas, but Xander insisted on taking a picture. Well, _another_ picture.

_"John, please!”_

_“Love, I have no energy left…”_

_Xander playfully pouted._

_“I just want a picture of my husband smiling, please? I’m so proud of you.”_

_John let out a teasing groan._

_“Pulling the husband card, I see.” He adjusted his beret on his head. “One picture.”_

They ended up taking twenty, Xander making bits to see John react. One of the last pictures ended up being the one on Xander’s side of the bed, and his favorite. John had the biggest lovestruck smile on his face, cheeks burning red from laughter, his hand on a playful salute.

That could never be the picture on his funeral.

Oh God the funeral. They would have to hold a service to John. Xander had to see where to hold the memorial, choose his favorite flowers, order a headstone…

What to write on John’s stone? _“Soldier. General. Husband.”_

No, scratch that, he couldn’t put his rank if he was buried in a civil cemetery.

_“Beloved husband”_? With the sayings _“It was an honor”_ written under it? Sounds better.

Xander closed his eyes and leaned against the drawers, slowly slipping until he was sitting on the floor.

Oh.

They had nothing to bury. No mortal remains, nothing.

His hand had made its way to the necklace John had gotten him a long time ago, an old habit he had endowed along the development of the project “Ah!” Xander let go of the amethyst stone quickly, his attention suddenly focused on it.

> _"It's an amethyst. It's supposed to help protect against psychic attacks." Xander looks over at John, love clear in his expression. "I know our work with the Black and White is getting more intense. I want you to be protected. From whatever we might find in there."_

“John?!” Xander jumps to his feet, looking around, a spark of hope igniting.

But the stone had grown cold again.

Xander lets out a cry. It was so naive of him to think John would be back like that. It was probably his mind trying to find ways to cope. Of course a mineral wouldn’t get warm out of the sudden, he probably held it too strong and the edges pressed too deep into his palm, right? Makes sense.

Only if it wasn't for the freshly placed dog tags glowing in the harsh light of the Archives, right beside John’s picture.

Xander blinks. His line of thought gets thrown out of the window as he bends down to get it.

That could never be there, the only person that could’ve brought it back was Goodman, but the president never expressed anything about it after he crossed the portal. And no one could’ve been to the Archives earlier than Xander to put it on that old folder.

There was hope.

"Lieutenant Lee?” The strong voice of Schaffer filled the room. “Are you there?”

Xander opened his mouth but no sound came out. He was trying to process his latest theory. If his mind wasn't occupied calculating possibilities and results, he would’ve realized his fist twitched, opening and closing against the beads of the tag.

“Xander, what are you-”

“I can’t go home.” He held the dog tags against his chest, unshed tears accumulating in his eyes, but that wasn't important at that very moment. “Not when he can be saved.”

Schaffer stared at the many folders Xander had picked. _Be supportive and stay close._

_Dammit John._

“You know,” she pointed to the folders. “to be productive you’ll need some rest. You can stay in my apartment, if you wish.”

“Colonel, I-“

“Lee, you’re _not_ gonna exhaust yourself with this right now, you need time to process it, I’ll-“

“Cora. His tags were on the floor. Goodman didn’t bring it back. I received nothing.” Schaffer tried to say something but Xander continued. “Somehow, he was just here! He left his tags for me! I felt it! He’s alive, I just… I just need to find a way to get him back!

Schaffer took a second to think, not that Xander realized it. She knew he wouldn’t be able to give himself a rest while John was there. But he couldn’t be alone right now.

“Okay. Let's take this to my apartment, there we can go through it together. Sounds good?”

**Author's Note:**

> The part in which John explains the properties of the necklace to Xander was taken from OTPGirl's work called "Xander's Necklace"! It's a very fluffy fic, I highly recommed it!  
> [Read it here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27585014)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I'm on tumblr as whatsmylaneagain :)


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